1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap
when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. Just how the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the Person died.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.
12. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page paper that I swear
I did not make any changes to.
14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking really good
and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day, What a waste!
16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with
Kay Jewelers.
20. I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.
23. How many times do you suppose it is OK to say “What?” before
you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear, understand or you
just weren’t paying attention to a word they just said?
25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
27. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure
you are going down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.
28. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find
and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, pitch black, first time, every time!
